Enduring the Countdown...

Wowsers, I had to go to the hospital this morning to have my paperwork and all my labs done. It made it almost too real for me. I think I am more nervous than I thought I would be. There is a lot going on and sometimes I don't feel like I can wrap my head around it.

I was thinking that I would be coming home on Saturday but the nurse today told me that realisticly I should be looking at Sunday. I have never stayed in the hospital that long. I know I will be out of it a lot so there is no need in keeping Brian home from the family reunion but I have this underlying fear of what if something goes wrong, or what if I get really lonely for him?

My mom will be there a lot for me but there is just something from having Brian there. I told him that on Thursday, surgery is set for Wednesday morning, he needs to bring the kids in to see me. At that point I won't be so out of it from the anesthesia and want to give my babies hugs and kisses before they go away for the weekend.

So I am trying to think of what to take and what I will need or won't need. What needs to be done at the house before I won't be able to do anything. Who needs to be called or emailed before I go into the hospital. That on top of the fact that I am not running on all engines right now anyways and have been down for a while so my house is lacking a good cleaning and I know I won't be able to do it before hand. All I need to do is kill myself before surgery. No one has ever died from a mom being out of business for a while right? I need to not have so much anxiety over it, everything will be fine. It's just my nerves are shot from lack of sleep, the chronic pain I have been in and I have never had as big a surgery as this will be.

So with that note, I know I am behind in my daily tributes, they might be put on hold for a bit, but I haven't forgotten. I will try and make regular posts and you might get more than you ask for since playing on my computer might be the only thing I get to do after Wednesday. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all. Have a great week, I won't 'remember half of it:)

A Cool Thing

So I finally looked at it today after hearing some rumors. But if you go to http://www.ldsjournal.com/ you will come upon the ultimate way of journaling for all of us computer nerds. I type so much fast than I write and with the busyness of life it is a great way for me to keep my journaling like we have been commanded...have fun.

It's Official

Well it's set. I received a call from the hospital this morning and the surgery is set for Wednesday morning. I will be in the hospital until at least Saturday, as long as everything goes smoothly. I am anxious, nervous and peaceful all at the same time.

I am completely comfortable with my great doctor and know that he will take great care of me. At the same time I have been having flashbacks of the not so fun things you get to deal with when you have surgery.

For instance:
The nausea when you are waking up from the anesthesia
The intense pain with any cough, sneeze, giggle or movement from your abdomen
The fear of having to use the restroom for the first few times (I won't share more than that, TMI, if you have had surgery than you know what I am talking about)
The hunger pains from not eating for so long and knowing you can't eat until your body has performed certain things
The fear of eating because of the nausea, refer to first note
Making stupid comments that my mother and husband are so entertained by (I don't fear this, I just wish I remembered what I said that they think is so hillarious)

My biggest sad note:
Not being able to pick up my baby for 6-8 weeks, but I will be able to hold her, someone will just have to give her to me...

Things that are adventurous when you have surgery:
How everytime I go under I think, wait I can at least get to 7 this time before I go out, wrong...I never make it passed 9...(I am referring to when they have you count backwards as they are knocking you out)
Seeing how far I can push through the pain, since I have had abdominal surgery before I am somewhat knowing what to expect and I am trying to mentally prepare for that so that it won't be as bad as that very first surgery when I had no idea what I was expecting...
Being able to be waited on hand and foot while I am in the hospital...too bad I will be unconscious through most of it:)

What I am grateful for:
The Priesthood...I am so grateful for the faith and knowledge that Heavenly Father will take care of me and will always have his watcful eye and guiding hand...I am looking forward to the blessing that I will be asking Brian for the night before the surgery.
The Relief Society sisters that have already been knocking on my door...I have only missed a few Sunday's so far from the cysts and they noticed...the sisters have been calling and coming over to make sure I was okay and offering all available help and assistance.
The 2 Priests in our ward...most have graduated and moved on to the single's ward in May so right now we only have 2...they have brought me the Sacrament on Sunday's, I cannot find the words to thank these two wonderful young men, it means so much to me to be able to renew my covenants, and in my own home.
My mom! She has helped with surgeries in the passed and pretty much takes over all of my duties here at my house. She cleans, cooks, loves, mends, and everything that a great mom does. I cannot in this lifetime tell her enough times how much I appreciate all that she has and will do for me. She is one of the most selfless people I know, one of my heroes. Thanks mom!!! I love you!!!
My Sisters...Katrina didn't even bat an eye or hesitate when I told her that I was worried about the baby being taken care of and going to someone she was comfortable with, or how I was worried about Sadie and Hunter getting to and from school. She has offered to take them so I don't have to worry and I know they will be in GREAT hands. Natasha said she will help out when she can...she is a workin' woman! Mindy is moving into their new home so she has her hands full. By the way congratulations on your new home (they just bought their first house.)
My kids...Hunter gets so nervous everytime I go to the hospital or the dr's office. He is so sensitive and he has a special bond to his mommy. I told you he was a momma's boy. Sadie is so brave and always so willing to help. She is so great at helping with some of the harder chores like dishes and laundry and stuff and she does a great job. She takes on so much for an 8 year old. I am so proud of her. And I just know that all 3 of their smiles will make my recovery go much much faster.
My Husband! Brian is my hero, my knight in shining armor. He is so loving and caring. You know how when you are sick you just want your mom, well no offense to my mother, but Brian is the one I want first when I don't feel well. He is taking off work to sit and wait for me in surgery, like he always has. He knows it eases my mind just knowing that he is out there. He is also always there when I wake up and reassures me that he will always be there. He has put up with so many trials when it comes to my health. Pretty much from the begining of our marriage I have always had something I have dealt with. Without whining or complaining he gladly steps up to the plate and takes over where I can't do my share. There are so many things I want to say about how much I love him, about how great he is, about how I couldn't exist without him and I just don't know how to say it. It leaves me speechless. I want to be able to come up with these unforgettable things, to bear my soul to the world, to leave an impression on everyone who reads about the man I love, to make him the image every woman dreams of marrying because to me he is that Perfect man, the Perfect Husband, the Perfect Daddy, the Perfect Friend, the Perfect lover, the Perfect everything. That is what he is to me, everything. He is my every dream, my every hope, my every every... Brian I love you and you are and always will be My Favorite!!!

So onward to surgery...6 days and counting...

Tuesday Tribute #2...

As his mother this one is a little harder for me to do. I make my 2nd tribute today to my little Bubba, Hunter...

Hunter was a trooper today. But from the beginning, his whole life he has been weaker than the norm. He doesn't have the stamina that most kids his age have. In March we had some really hard times with him. He couldn't walk up the stairs without crying in pain. It was horrible to see him hurt like that. After some labs were done, we were told that he was 99% likely to have Muscular Dystrophy but they weren't going to say for sure just yet. We went about just under 2 weeks of thinking he had Muscular Dystrophy. Now the type that was likely for him to have was the type that would put him in a wheel chair by early adolescense, age 12, and he wouldn't likely make it passed his early 20's. I can't tell you how many tears were shed by Brian and I and other members of my family. I will say this though. I am so blessed that I have the 3 children that I have. I am blessed with their unique personalities and their sweet endearing spirits that were sent to Brian and I. My heart goes out to any parent who has lost a child, for at this time in that two week period, I got a glimpse of what it must be like and I weeped, I truly weeped.

So with that part of the history I will pause and tell you a little bit about my son. He is a HAM!!! To the max, he loves to make people laugh. He will come in and say something off the wall and if I start to laugh he will say good I got you to laugh. If I don't laugh than it's something like oh come on that was kind of funny. He also loves the camera as much as his Aunt Tasha:) He is a poser, a major poser, but I guess it can't be too much his fault since he has grown up with a camera always in his face.

Not only his Hunter super goofy, but he is also very very sensitive. He is very aware of other peoples feelings and always tries to console those that are sad or hurt. The one thing that his teacher would continually tell me in Kindergarten is that he is so caring to all the kids, even the ones that sometimes get left behind. I am so proud of him.

Hunter is the only grandson on Brian's side of the family and the oldest of 3 grandson's on my side of the family, there is a 5 year age difference between him and Maverick and Lincoln.

Hunter loves to fish, he is quite good at it. The only thing I don't enjoy with fishing is eating it. Hunter doesn't mind that one either. Here he is with 2 of my nieces, Cameo and Kenya holding up the family catch of the day.

He sure is goofy, this is his turkey face with licorice hanging off of his nose. Here he is holding his baby sister for the very first time. He absolutely loves both of his sisters and has formed a very special relationship with McKadie, especially considering how badly he wanted a brother. There is another picture in here where he is asleep on the floor of the hospital. He was so tired from waiting all day for her to come that he sat on the floor waiting his turn to hold her and he collapsed. He was originallysitting up with his head on his hand on his knee, the arm eventually fell to the floor for support of his noggin.

There are so many pictures here. I try to capture all sides of him. He loves his aunt Tasha and his Uncle Scooby aka Colton or CoCo. He loves his daddy so much. He wants to be just like him and I love it. They even have their own song by Rodney Adkins "Watching You" and every time it comes on the radio they tell everyone to shhh and they sing it together. He knows it word for word. He loves both of his sisters so much and is so good to them.

He loves Spiderman, Scooby Doo, and pretty much anything super heros. He is a big fan of Star Wars and has been for many years. He will hum the march for Darth Vader and tell you that is his favorite song other than the song for him and daddy.

He is a big Momma's Boy and I love it. He is proud of it too. He is such a gentleman to me. He helps me out when I am sick. He holds the door for me and at times has argued with me because I have told him to go first and he says no mom ladies are supposed to go first and you are the BEST lady so you have to go first. He says cute things like that all of the time.

So to finish the story of my little man. We meet with the Muscular Neurologist at Primary Children's Hospital today. He does not have Muscular Dystrophy. Thank you Heavenly Father. However he does have a Metabolic Myopathy of some sort. There are several different kinds and now he is undergoing more tests to determine which one it might be. Well while we are in the dr's office and I am being asked all of these questions about Hunter I keep thinking that McKadie applies to a lot of what she is telling me. So not only did I go away from Hunter's apt. today knowing that my son will have to deal with this muscle disease his entire life, but now my daughter will too. No blood work has been done on her yet but the dr. seems confident that whatever the outcome for Hunter is will most likely be the outcome for McKadie.

And yet another challenge in this life we have to bear. But Brian and I are optimistic. It's not Muscular Dystrophy. I don't think this will be lethal, it will just limit his and her physical activity, which it already does. We WILL get through this. We WILL survive this. We WILL have faith that there is a greater plan for us that we are not aware of. I strongly believe that Heavenly Father will never give us a challenge or trial we are not able to bear.

Hunter, I love you. I am so happy that you were sent to our family. You make us smile and laugh. You are such a ray of sunshine and I can't imagine this earthly life without you here. I love you lots and lots and lots and lots!!!

First of 2 Tributes for Today...

Wowsers, I have been a whole 24 hours since I blogged. Can you believe it? It has to be a miracle or illness, one of the two. So I didn't get a tribute on yesterday, but I have two for today so no worries, in case you were.

My tribute today goes out to my baby sister Natasha. If you cry I am warning you I am not responsible. When I did the tribute to Katrina, mom and trina got after me for making them cry...so you have been warned.

Natasha is the 5th child out of the 6 of us. She is was Hunter would call "boy sandwiched". Which I think is great for her, because Lance(child #4) and Colton(child #6) are both very protective of her.

I have so much to say about Natasha. We have been through a lot in the last 21 years **wink wink** that is how old she is. So let me first start by narrating the pictures I have of her, and then I will finish up after the pictures.


If you are wondering why there are so many pictures of Natasha it is because, well the camera just loves her, and vice versa, but not because she is vain or obsessed with herself. It is just a hobby she has picked up over the years and we have all helped her with it. For crying out loud I can't tell you how many times I have used her as a model for my photography, and why not? She is a hottie!!! So this picture is of her at Sadie's 7th birthday party. These are glasses off of one of Sadie's Doodle Bears. Natasha started messing around and found out that they fit her head, so not only did she put them on herself but insisted on trying everyone for the perfect fit. I think it ended up being my niece Navi.
Well then there is my little Hunter or who Natasha likes to call Bunter's. She absolutely loves this guy. They have such a tight bond and it has been since he was a baby. Natasha would get to come out to Arizona during the summer and stay with us for a month or so. We loved it and it was great because she was one of the only ones from my side of the family who really got to see him grow up as a toddler. They formed a very special bond. This picture is from when Lance got married in April. I absolutely love it.



Natasha and I also have a special bond. When I was 14 almost 15 my dad went to Prison.

Again this is my tell all blog, I will only reveal certain information that I feel is important, other things I will keep to myself. But I will say this, I believe people deserve second chances. Sometimes we mess up, isn't that why we are sent to this earth? To be tried and tested and isn't that why we have the Atonement...'nuff said. I could go on and on. Side note: I love my dad. He is a wonderful man who made a bad choice. I truly believe in my heart that he is a better man since he was in Prison. Some come out better, some come out worse. I am glad to say my dad is better.

So on to the picture of Natasha holding her hands to her mouth in shock and awe. When dad went away, I became the 2nd mom. Mom had to go back to work and school full time so I had to make up for it and Katrina and Mindy as well. I became very close to Natasha and Colton at this time. We would do special things together. For instance. Natasha LOVES music. My family had gotten tickets for an Alabama concert, minus Natasha and Colton. I was so excited to see them. Natasha was no more than 9 or so but she was so heartbroken and wanted to go sooo bad. I was 16 and had a car and what not so my plan was this. Colton was going to be stuck not going and Natasha wanted to go apparently more than I, so I gave her my tickets and gave Colton, this cute little 6 or 7 year old a night out on the town, kiddie style aka candy and Jurrasic Park at the theatre. That was not for a pat on the back to me...just something special between Tasha and I. And yes my nickname is not or will ever be "Tasha" that is my baby sister. I am just Tashina. So again, back to the picture. Natasha cried when I moved out to college. She was heartbroken, not saying I wasn't, but I was also excited to get out on my own. So when we moved to Arizona you can only imagine, especially since I was taking her Bunters from her and he was only 6 months old at the time. So for her 18th birthday, we surprised her and I flew home. This picture is of me walking in on her party. It was great, she broke into tears instantly and I was so happy. Sorry long explanation for 1 picture. But this is her tribute so oh well.

I don't think I need to keep reminding you of how beautiful of a woman she is, inside and out. She is the one of the 4 girls who got that drop dead gorgeous figure and pretty face...what a gal:) So this picture is to show that not only is she a great aunt to her Bunter's but she truly loves all 10 of her nieces and nephews. She is so dedicated and devoted to their every need and whim. She will go on rides with them at the carnival, she will help them hold their rods when we fish, hold their hand when we walk, sing a song in a silly voice with them, and so many more things. She loves being an aunt and I admire all the love she has for them. You would think they were her own. Love you aunt tasha!!!

So I had to put some of her Senior Pictures up...no I didn't take them, I don't do much studio work anymore. Not when we have such beautiful surroundings. Anyways, this is one of her senior pictures and there are more towards the end of this post.
Then there is another picture showing how much she loves her nieces and nephews. This is one of her kissing McKadie to death. So much kissing it finally made the babe mad! LOL!!!




Natasha has a great personality. She has such a fun sense of humor. This picture is of her and Colton on Trax in SLC. We were in a pretty empty car and the two of them thought it would be fun to see if they could help stabalize each other to make sure they could withstand the starting and the stopping and curves on the ride. It was quite entertaining to watch, they couldn't stand very straight...at all.

Like I said she has been my model quite a few times. Why not, she has the shape!

Did I forget to mention that she loves to pose for the camera:) She is so much fun.

Natasha is also the self portrait Queen in our family. She has taught us all well. But I must tell you, keep your cell phones hidden because when you get them back, you may be surprised with a few, okay maybe a dozen self portraits of my baby sis!

Now onto a more serious note and hopefully I can get through this without crying. This last year has been a very very very hard one for Natasha. I will not give details because I want to protect her privacy. This is a picture of Natasha holding my baby McKadie for the very first time in the hospital, the day after she was born. Natasha has had a difficult time in her life and until this point has never missed the birth of one of the grandkids. I don't hold that against her, it just makes me sad for her, especially since McKadie will be my last. Natasha, I love you so much. You are the strongest most courageous person I know. What you have been through over the last year has been really hard, I can only imagine. It was really hard for me and Brian to see you going through all of that. We love you so much and wish for only your true happiness. You have meant so much to both of us for so long. Brian has wonderful memories of being your primary teacher when you were 7, and no not just because it was an excuse to see me, he really bonded to you. You two have a special relationship as brother and sister and I couldn't be happier. I love how you get ditzy with math and the time he spends tutoring you. I love how Hunter jumps up and yells TASHA when he sees you. I love how you hold my babies, even if you make fun of how big their heads are:) You have such a sweet and loving spirit and I hope that never changes. You are so passionate about the ones you love. For crying out loud you make your dog a birthday cake every year...you are the only one I know who does that. So Natasha, if there is one thing in this life that I would want you to remember from me is that you have made an impact on my life that no matter what trials may come our way, we can always get through it, especially with love and support from our families. I love you Pudors!!!

Get Ready!!!

So as I am in the shower or changing the baby or doing whatever it is I do, I am thinking of all of these things that I want to write about on my blog. So just a heads up, you are in for a good read, at least it will keep you busy until Stefanie Meyers book 4 of Twilight comes out:) I just have so much to say and now I feel I have a place to say it. Thanks!

Today's tribute...

Since I have my "Vent" blog now I want to send out a daily tribute to someone who has made a difference in my life. If you don't get put up first or for a while it doesn't mean you are any less important to me. I just have many people to pay tribute to. Life is too short to not let the people who mean the most to you know that in fact they do mean the most to you.

So my first tribute:

My sister Katrina.

Katrina is a year younger than me, and other than my mom and dad I have known her longer than anyone else on this beautiful earth. Katrina has a gigantic heart. She is always so willing to give to others even it is a sacrifice on her part. She loves kids, always has, and has offered her motherly services to my children on many instances. Katrina is humble and loving. She has great taste in fashion, decorating and is an excellent scrapbooker.

Katrina is also a very loving person. She is super shy so not many people get the opportunity to know her, but once you do you won't ever forget her. She is a wonderful mom to her 3 kids and I am privileged to have her as an aunt to my 3 kids.

Katrina is also very smart. I don't think she knows that I think this, but I think she is a very smart person.

She is so loving to her husband and I am glad that her husband is still on this earth with her and their children and for all of us. Jon was in a serious accident in November while driving semi for work. There is no reason he is alive other than he had angels watching over him.

Katrina, you are always there for me, whether I live 800 miles away or 1/2 a mile away. You are always the first one to jump in and say you will do it, no matter what the task at hand is. I am so grateful that I have you as a sister. I know I have tried to highlight some of your great qualities but you have so many it would take a while to list them all. I am so grateful for all of the talks and chats we have had over the computer and the phone recently. As kids we got along great, as teenagers I don't think I was as good a friend as I should have been for you, as adults I am grateful to say you are indeed one of my best friends. I love you so much!!! Love your "Big" Sis:)