Blog Challenge

I took this from my friend Stefanie's blog. Thanks Stef. I am committing to do this and haven't even read through the list yet.
Day 1: Introduce Yourself
Day 2: Your First Love
Day 3: Your Parents
Day 4: What you ate today
Day 5: Your definition of love
Day 6: Your Day
Day 7: Your Best Friend
Day 8: A Moment
Day 9: Your beliefs
Day 10: What you wore today
Day 11: Your Siblings
Day 12: What's in your bag
Day 13: This Weeks
Day 14: What you wore today (there's 2 of these so I might write something else)
Day 15 : Your First kiss
Day 16: Your Dreams
Day 17: Your favorite birthday
Day 18: Your favorite memory
Day 19: Something you regret
Day 20: This Month
Day 21: Another moment
Day 22: Something that upsets you
Day 23: Something that makes you feel better
Day 24: Something that makes you cry
Day 25: A First
Day 26: Your Fears
Day 27: Your favorite place
Day 28: Something that you miss
Day 29: Your aspirations
Day 30: One last moment

Why do I get so excited?

Here is an update on the Raw diet. I was really enjoying the back of my eyelids when my cute baby girl came in and said mom the sun is awake, you have to wake up to. I'm thinking why does she have to be so cute and I know I have a lot to do so I better get up, again still fighting the whole depression thing but not getting out of bed seems to be the worst part. It's that or I am just too darn addicted to sleep. So I get up, prep for the shower and decide to step on the oh so resented scale. And Wala...I am down to 261!!!! Tada, down 15 lbs total now. Now to get under the 260. And please, I know the numbers are daunting but I have stopped hiding and am being completely and bluntly honest. So why do I get so excited? Well because for the longest time I haven't been able to lose any weight or stick to any life style change as far as eating goes. And the greatest thing is the whole family is doing it and they love it. So that is why I get so excited.

Changing

I started an entry about 2 weeks ago that was super oober negative. I didn't post it for the purpose of protecting myself from utter embarrassment.

Why do I mention a post I didn't post? Well I was reading through some blogs, the happy sappy Mormon Mommy's who make life seem like they are nothing but cherry blossoms and bubble gum. But then I was reading through my emails that I receive from a very popular public speaker/author named Darren Hardy.

Mr. Hardy speaks very frequently about making positive choices and creating your "destiny" as some would call it.

There was a series of emails he titled "Knocked on Your Tush" that basically said we all have problems, we all have heartache, loss, misery, etc. The point is that we all get knocked on our butts and we can all survive, its just that some of us do it better than others.

So I have been in a super bad place mentally for the last month and a half. It has effected my health, our home, my marriage, my kids and the list goes on.

I got to a point that I just couldn't do anything. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't do the dishes, do the laundry. I didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone, not even my family. It's been crazy bad. I have never been so down and low.

The last couple weeks I have been trying really hard to get up, shake it off and move forward. Some days are good, some better and some flat out suck. So the "ah-ha" moment that I found while reading Mr. Hardy's posts was as follows:

I was finally getting out of bed. Finally working around the house. Finally calling on bills that are behind, etc. Then I woke up the morning my dad was going in for shoulder surgery and my shoulder, which I have had many problems with, and had been on a leave of absence for torture, decided to put me in major pain mode. We found it very funny considering dad's surgery.

The major stinky part of this whole thing is that it hasn't stopped hurting.

Problems with the shoulder started back in my school days and don't usually cause any chaos. Working as a housekeeper at the hospital made it worse and I was diagnosed with tendinitis as well as the already existant bursitis. And the herniated disc, and no this isn't a whine fest, just a history to back up my "ah-ha" moment.

So trying to be in a much better move I was "dancing" in my shower and twisted my back really bad, to the point where it is a chronic pain now as well.

So the "ah-ha" moment. I have been super bad freaking out because Brian and I have both been out of work. We are both looking, and trying to line some things up, but in the mean time we have had to apply for state aid. I don't like the idea of being a welfare case, but times are desperate. The last time we spoke to our case worker we were told that Brian and I were not going to be covered medically, which was fine as long as the kids were covered. That was until my shoulder and back flared up.

So all weekend I have been bummed out again, close to crawling back in that bed and never leaving. Then I read this article from Mr. Hardy where he speaks about several different people who have faced insurmountable odds and overcome them. So I put on my big girl panties and figured we would work it out one way or another. Not 10 minutes later, our case worker calls and says that Brian and I will have medical for 2 months.

About 4 years ago the same thing happened. I had been having the most ridiculous time trying to get pregnant and wasn't able to. It was when I finally threw my hands in the air and surrendered that I became pregnant with my cute little Mick.

So long story short, everything happens for a reason, we just don't always know what it is. You can find the information that Mr. Hardy has written at http://darrenhardy.success.com/2011/02/knocked-part-1/

A couple of quotes that I found enlightening:

Quoting Mr. Darren Hardy:

It’s not whether you get knocked down (everyone will get knocked down), it’s how fast you get up. We all experience failure, setbacks, disappointments and obstacles. And yes it hurts, and that is okay. We are human. Rejection, failure and letdowns hurt humans. It’s part of the deal.

Mr. Hardy quotes Roger Crawford saying, "Focus on what you CAN do instead of what you CAN’T do."

So here is to getting knocked on our butts/tushes and getting back up.

F A T

The ill fated word that should be a four letter word.

I did this a while back and it seems to give me the accountability that I need to stay on track.

I am obese, not just obese but morbidly obese.

I sit and watch Biggest Loser and cringe when a woman with the same figure and weight as myself appears.

So what to do about it?

Well for the last 8 years or so I have tried every diet you could think of, obviously nothing that worked long term. Nothing that I could muster to do as a life style change. I don't like to DIET, but try and change the things that have made me this way.

There are many factors that have attributed to my figure, some my fault some not, so rather than list the excuses or reasons for why I look this way I am just going to list the facts of where I was a week ago, where I am now, and what I am doing to change this.

About a month ago I started working from home and have been going from appointment to appointment and just didn't have time to eat.

My appetite grew smaller as did my portion sizes when I did eat. Well this was great because I lost 10 lbs. But then I went out of town for this company, which was great, but I wasn't eating like I should have been, not like I was before, but wasn't running ragged for the 5 days I was out of town. So a few things that factored here:

1) You shouldn't lose weight because you don't have time to eat.

2) If you eat less your body will lose weight because it isn't consuming as many calories, however, give yourself a 5 day stint where you still aren't eating much, but are eating horrible things and any weight lost will return

3) If you don't change what you have been doing that has kept you in the place you are and have been, you won't be anywhere different unless you change what you are doing

Even when I lost the 10 lbs I was at 268 lbs. (hold your comments please)

After the out of town excursion, I was back to 272

I teeter totter back in this area, never to get under 268 (again please hold your comments)

So what I have done to change:

First of all credit must go to my sister Mindy who discovered www.GreenSmoothieGirl.com

Second of all credit to my mom, who has also struggled with her weight, for pushing me to look at the website, read up, watch the videos and so on.

Everyone always has a changing point. You would think that after flying out of town and being so incredibly uncomfortable for a 6 hour flight one way would be enough. (Flying Fat to come in a post later) Alas it wasn't.

What made me decide that this was it and that I had enough was my family.

Saturday night I was up all night with a sick 3 year old, which has been happening a lot for the last month or so. She has been really congested, coughing, stuffy nose etc. These Symptoms = NO SLEEP FOR MOMMY (we've all been there, done that)

So Sunday morning rolls around a little too early for me at this point. We missed a lot of church last year due to a lot of reasons and the goal this year is to not miss any church...not really happening yet, which really irks me.

I am a very religious person and know that much comes from faith and following the teachings of the gospel. ONE important one is going to church every week!!!

So my oldest left her only dress at grandma's house, she is growing like a weed and I can't keep her in anything. Our 2nd child who is usually the hardest to get ready for church, is ready and willing, which is great. Next step wake daddy up who is tired because of the extra movement in bed, the 3 year old, the TV on (keeping said 3 year old from crying all night), etc. I try to lovingly wake daddy up so he can take the son to church. After the patient loving encouragement doesn't work, a very tired and impatient mom resorts to using guilt (SIDE NOTE: said husband does not do guilt, in fact using guilt has the opposite effect). So it is now 10 minutes until church starts, I am madder than a fallen hornets nest, and am so mad that I can't sleep.

Anger isn't a great thing to try to keep a loving spirit in your home. I decide in the end to use my anger in a positive manner.

I go to my desk and make a list of changes that are going to be made in this family starting ASAP. One of which was the way we eat and the lack of exercise in this household because I am SICK AND TIRED or everyone BEING SICK AND TOO TIRED!

So we cleaned out the pantry, fridge and cupboards, leaving no sugar or processed foods.

Next we made a family pact, everyone raised there hand one at a time, said their full name and vowed to do their best for their Heavenly Father, themselves and their family, no matter what it took.

Then we started the Green Smoothie Girl Diet.

The kids have taken some time doing this but they are enjoying the change...for the most part.

I am not going to go into details on this diet other than it is RAW. If you would like to see the details please visit the website previously mentioned.

So yesterday, Wednesday, I finally got a full nights sleep, for the most part, and decided to get up at 8am, which is unheard of for me. I weighed myself and was so excited that I decided to work out, which is also usually unheard of for me. I am now down to 267, which is a first in a very long time. I did 30 minutes of Zumba, which my 3 children joined in on before the older 2 had to leave for school.

That is a 5 pound weight loss in 3 days and it was done in a very healthy matter. Let the countdown begin.

I know this post was long, sorry! Watch for further posts to come, even today maybe:)

This is a new time

Life has its ups and its downs and it never seems to surprise me. Growth, patience, understanding, forgiveness are a few things that I often learn through these trying times. My biggest dilemma is usually financial, go figure right? I'm not going to whine and complain about the economy or the lack thereof, but I really want to try and just write what goes through my daily life. I have mentioned it before and I will mention it again, this blog is where I get to be blunt, give as much information as I am comfortable with, and just express who I am, what I am feeling and so on.

So it's been a while and I hope you come back more frequently! So here is 2011 and a new me!

I need to write

I know it has almost been a year and I have thought about writing quite a few times, but for some reason or another I didn't. There has been a lot that has happened in the last year. I know I won't be able to catch up on all of it but for now I just want to write about what has been on my mind.
I haven't been feeling well again lately and it is so frustrating. I don't feel like I have a reason to be feeling like this, before I had a reason, my ovaries and uterus were making me sick and I don't have them any more. So what is going on now?
I am on so many medications that I have a hard time remembering them all. I go to my doctor, and I just get more frustrating answers. I am still having a real hard time loosing weight, my doctor told me that it will take me probably 3 to 4 times longer to loose what a normal person would. Well thanks a bunch, seriously?
I am on thyroid medicine, blood pressure medicine, my estrogen pill, an anti depressant pill, a prescription allergy pill, a steroid inhaler, and that isn't including the other things I have that I don't take on a regular basis. Those are my migraine medicine, a muscle relaxer for my back (as of a month ago I have a bulging disc in my lower back), the occasional sleeping pill because I am not sleeping at night, and so on and so forth.
I don't want to pout or throw myself a pity party, but I just need to get this all off of my chest. I still have at least 120 lbs to loose and just can't seem to get passed the first 5.
So with that going on, I started going back to school in August. I finished 2 semesters and now have 36 credits under my belt. I only have 4 or 5 more classes to finish my pre-requisites before I can start the Respiratory Therapy program in May. I did the first 2 semesters at UVU, but will be starting this fall at Weber State University. I will be taking all of my classes online so I can be home more often.
In April I started working as a housekeeper at the hospital in Provo. I love working there, not necessarily as a housekeeper, but it's a starting point. I will finished with my CNA course that I am taking at MATC by the end of June, and hopefully will have all of my certifications finished with the state and be completely licensed.
Brian has been out of work since February and it is becoming extremely stressful. I pray daily he finds a job because I don't know how we are going to keep it together much longer. My paychecks just don't cut it and even with his unemployment we are barely making the minimum.
Like I said earlier I haven't been feeling well lately, I am guessing the majority of it is from stress...hmmm I wonder why.
We were also having some major issues with one of the kids and although we are doing better, it is still getting the best of me most days. We need to get him/her into counseling, but we don't have the money even if we have insurance.
We have also been having some issues with my family, as in siblings and such. I won't go into details, it's not my place, but I do want to say how frustrated and sad I am from the whole thing. I have a sister, who has now moved out of the country, who won't talk to any of us except for one. We seem to be the ones who have offended, and although I know the situation, I don't agree with the assumptions nor the actions that have taken place. She never confronted me or asked me my side of the story, she just cut me off completely, I never even got the chance to say goodbye to her, her husband or my nieces and nephew. Some want to know why I didn't just confront her and approach her with the whole thing. The reason is because the way she has been with everyone else, I would just get yelled at and not be able to get a word in edge wise. I have enough stress right now than to get into an argument with her, plus she is very quick with her words and I wouldn't want to say anything I would regret. Who knows the next time I will be able to see them. It breaks my heart because whether she believes it or not I love them all dearly. I worry about them and would love nothing more than to have contact with them. Hopefully things will change for the better, but a I feel like a piece of my heart has been torn apart and I don't know how to fix it. I have another sister who has been extremely hurt by all of this and I worry about her more. She has a very tender heart and has taken this whole thing really hard.
Anyways, I am sorry if this is depressing entry, I needed some venting time and this is where I can do it.
I will try and make a positive entry in the next week or so, thanks for listening...

I have been busy and it's great!

I have been really busy with my photography company and am so pleased. I am excited to announce my new website, no more "blogsite". Please go to www.FlashbackPV.com