I know it has almost been a year and I have thought about writing quite a few times, but for some reason or another I didn't. There has been a lot that has happened in the last year. I know I won't be able to catch up on all of it but for now I just want to write about what has been on my mind.
I haven't been feeling well again lately and it is so frustrating. I don't feel like I have a reason to be feeling like this, before I had a reason, my ovaries and uterus were making me sick and I don't have them any more. So what is going on now?
I am on so many medications that I have a hard time remembering them all. I go to my doctor, and I just get more frustrating answers. I am still having a real hard time loosing weight, my doctor told me that it will take me probably 3 to 4 times longer to loose what a normal person would. Well thanks a bunch, seriously?
I am on thyroid medicine, blood pressure medicine, my estrogen pill, an anti depressant pill, a prescription allergy pill, a steroid inhaler, and that isn't including the other things I have that I don't take on a regular basis. Those are my migraine medicine, a muscle relaxer for my back (as of a month ago I have a bulging disc in my lower back), the occasional sleeping pill because I am not sleeping at night, and so on and so forth.
I don't want to pout or throw myself a pity party, but I just need to get this all off of my chest. I still have at least 120 lbs to loose and just can't seem to get passed the first 5.
So with that going on, I started going back to school in August. I finished 2 semesters and now have 36 credits under my belt. I only have 4 or 5 more classes to finish my pre-requisites before I can start the Respiratory Therapy program in May. I did the first 2 semesters at UVU, but will be starting this fall at Weber State University. I will be taking all of my classes online so I can be home more often.
In April I started working as a housekeeper at the hospital in Provo. I love working there, not necessarily as a housekeeper, but it's a starting point. I will finished with my CNA course that I am taking at MATC by the end of June, and hopefully will have all of my certifications finished with the state and be completely licensed.
Brian has been out of work since February and it is becoming extremely stressful. I pray daily he finds a job because I don't know how we are going to keep it together much longer. My paychecks just don't cut it and even with his unemployment we are barely making the minimum.
Like I said earlier I haven't been feeling well lately, I am guessing the majority of it is from stress...hmmm I wonder why.
We were also having some major issues with one of the kids and although we are doing better, it is still getting the best of me most days. We need to get him/her into counseling, but we don't have the money even if we have insurance.
We have also been having some issues with my family, as in siblings and such. I won't go into details, it's not my place, but I do want to say how frustrated and sad I am from the whole thing. I have a sister, who has now moved out of the country, who won't talk to any of us except for one. We seem to be the ones who have offended, and although I know the situation, I don't agree with the assumptions nor the actions that have taken place. She never confronted me or asked me my side of the story, she just cut me off completely, I never even got the chance to say goodbye to her, her husband or my nieces and nephew. Some want to know why I didn't just confront her and approach her with the whole thing. The reason is because the way she has been with everyone else, I would just get yelled at and not be able to get a word in edge wise. I have enough stress right now than to get into an argument with her, plus she is very quick with her words and I wouldn't want to say anything I would regret. Who knows the next time I will be able to see them. It breaks my heart because whether she believes it or not I love them all dearly. I worry about them and would love nothing more than to have contact with them. Hopefully things will change for the better, but a I feel like a piece of my heart has been torn apart and I don't know how to fix it. I have another sister who has been extremely hurt by all of this and I worry about her more. She has a very tender heart and has taken this whole thing really hard.
Anyways, I am sorry if this is depressing entry, I needed some venting time and this is where I can do it.
I will try and make a positive entry in the next week or so, thanks for listening...
