Why wait for the New Year, in 4 months, when I know there are things to change now. So I have some ok not some but a lot of things I am constantly thinking about changing or doing better, and a handful of things I am currently working on doing better. So our satelite tv has been off for a few months. When money is tight, it's not a priority. Also, I noticed Sadie and Hunter saying and doing things that they had learned on TV and even though a lot of it was cute and exciting, they did learn some things. But what about the things they did or said that were not good because they learned them on tv? I have decided that I am not willing to let those bad influences into their lives even if they are learning things. But I do know that the tv is not the only place for them to learn. Books, life experience, etc... So even when money is not tight, we will pretty much be cutting out a good portion of any tv.
I have many more things I want to fix and work on but I will spare you all at this very moment but encourage you to re-evaluate things in your life, good or bad. We need to make sure that we are putting our lives in order and doing those things that are the most important. Blah...I am getting on my soap box and I have no room to preach. Have a great holiday weekend and be safe!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
This week...
Well I hope this week is going well for any of you that happen to be reading this. I have been up and going more which feels good but I also noticed I am dead beat tired, and yet, I am not sleeping well. Could they be related? LOL, so part of this whole menopause thing can be insomnia. For anyone who knows me, I love to sleep. One of my favorite pass times. Right now, I think part of it is that I am not doing a whole lot physically so my body isn't tired, just my mind. So hopefully when I get the green light in 2 weeks to start being normal, my body will sleep when I go to bed at night. Anyways, the kids are doing great in school. Sadie has been starting to play the violin and Hunter is loving that he is in school all day. I have to tell you it makes my commuting a lot less hectic as well. McKadie is growing fast as ever. This week she has been eating a lot more "big kid" foods. We took her off formula a week early, I am sorry but with her having to be on Soy Formula and the rising prices of everything, she was making us broke broke broke...lol. So she loves whole milk and really likes to eat. I was told a certain sister of mine, no names to be mentioned **wink wink**(pudors) was allowing her to eat leaves yesterday and thought it was hysterical. Brian is working really hard up at the Real Soccer Stadium. He has been there since January and is excited to see it coming to an end. Their goal date to have it all finished is September 19th. They announced on the radio yesterday that they will be hosting college football games as well as the obvious soccer games. I am healing well, just fighting the tiredness, and that is about it.
Oh yeah, and the exciting news as of yesterday, although we don't have too many for sures yet, but it would appear that my whole family is going to be characters from the Twilight Series for Halloween. I know and am sure there will be many many more out there, but how many will have the whole crew.
Warning Warning Warning Spoiler for Book 4 approaching
So I am hoping that this is what we will have:
Bella: Katrina (This was an argument but because she called it first she got it) and she isn't sure if she wants to be premortal or mortal Bella
Edward: Katrina's husband Jon
Rosalie: Mindy (She wanted to be Bella)
Emmet: Min's husband Seth
Alice: We are trying to talk Natasha into it
Jasper: Natasha's boyfriend Nathan???
Esme: My mom
Carlisle: I think Colton looks the part for this one
Charlie: My dad
Jacob: We are going to ask my brother Lance, we aren't sure if he will do it though
Sam: Brian
Emily: Me:) I was thinking of wearing a sweater that says "La Push's Top Dog Lover" and of course we would have to do the scar down my face but isn't it Halloween???
"Nessie": We think that my niece Navi would work perfectly for this and since her mother is going to be Rosalie it would work out great considering the whole story plot
So we would only be missing Renee but I don't think she plays an big enough roll to be worried about, and yeah none of us really look like our characters but I think Natasha would be the closest thing to an Alice as long as we color her hair.
Well with all that being said. Have a great rest of the week and a safe holiday weekend. And Happy Birthday to Lance on the 30th and to my McKadie on the 2nd, just in case I am not on here before then.
Oh yeah, and the exciting news as of yesterday, although we don't have too many for sures yet, but it would appear that my whole family is going to be characters from the Twilight Series for Halloween. I know and am sure there will be many many more out there, but how many will have the whole crew.
Warning Warning Warning Spoiler for Book 4 approaching
So I am hoping that this is what we will have:
Bella: Katrina (This was an argument but because she called it first she got it) and she isn't sure if she wants to be premortal or mortal Bella
Edward: Katrina's husband Jon
Rosalie: Mindy (She wanted to be Bella)
Emmet: Min's husband Seth
Alice: We are trying to talk Natasha into it
Jasper: Natasha's boyfriend Nathan???
Esme: My mom
Carlisle: I think Colton looks the part for this one
Charlie: My dad
Jacob: We are going to ask my brother Lance, we aren't sure if he will do it though
Sam: Brian
Emily: Me:) I was thinking of wearing a sweater that says "La Push's Top Dog Lover" and of course we would have to do the scar down my face but isn't it Halloween???
"Nessie": We think that my niece Navi would work perfectly for this and since her mother is going to be Rosalie it would work out great considering the whole story plot
So we would only be missing Renee but I don't think she plays an big enough roll to be worried about, and yeah none of us really look like our characters but I think Natasha would be the closest thing to an Alice as long as we color her hair.
Well with all that being said. Have a great rest of the week and a safe holiday weekend. And Happy Birthday to Lance on the 30th and to my McKadie on the 2nd, just in case I am not on here before then.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
99 Balloons
I tried to add this link to my other inspirational lists but I failed and don't have much time right now to figure it out. So here you go http://www.ignitermedia.com/products/iv/singles/570/99-Balloons_ I had some tears but I really liked this and it reminded me to remember the important things! Have a great day!!!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Hmmm....
Hmmmmm...
That is what I am thinking right now when I am trying to decide what I want to talk about or babble about right now. There are so many meaningful things and then again so many meaningless things that I could go on about. So hmmmm...
Right now I am sitting in my home, Brian is taking his Sunday nap, Sadie and Hunter are downstairs coloring, and McKadie is sleeping. Hunter just came upstairs to ask if he could use the pencil sharpener, I tell him yes and then he leans in and kisses my forehead. So maybe that is what I will write about first. Being a mom in Zion.
What does it mean to be a mom in Zion? Yikes, have I lived up to those expectations in the last 8 years? Will He be pleased with what I have done? My heart says that I have done the best with what I was allowed, but it also tells me that I have slacked in many areas.
I don't know about any of you reading this but I am probably not alone when I say, there are so many other women doing it better than me.
I read these blogs and see all the wonderful things these Women in Zion are doing with their kids and my heart is sad. Are my kids ok? Do they know that I love them more than anything? What can I do to be better? This is where I am hopeful. This hysterectomy has left me feeling better than I have been in years. Once I am over the restrictions of an abdominal surgery, I feel a huge piece of hope that I will be able to finally start being that mom and wife that I hope to be.
Do we have FHE? I try to make sure we do have it weekly but we aren't perfect, there have been weeks that have gone by without it but we do try. Do we have daily family scriptures? This one is hard because there have been periods of time where we have it daily for months, and then there are months when we don't have it. Do we have daily family prayer? We try. It is more frequent than scriptures and I am a huge believer in the power of prayer, so I have it in the foremost of my mind to make sure we have it, but again we are far from perfect. Do I yell at my kids? Sadly yes, more than I would like to admit. Do I tell them that I love them? Daily if not hourly. Do they know that their Heavenly Father loves them? I hope so, we talk about it every morning before school. Do they know they are children of God? I am grateful to say yes.
There is so much more room for improvement...and I will try. It's never too late.
So then I think about these wonderful women in Zion who do the above and beyond with their kids. My sister Katrina is one of them. She makes time and opens opportunities for her kids to do wonderful things. For example, there is a couple in Mesa, AZ that was recently in a plane crash http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/. Katrina was telling me about it yesterday and was talking about all of the donations and things people are doing for this couple and their 4 children. She said she was going to get some things together to help her kids make cards for this couple and send it to them as a service project. What a great example she is to me and to her children. A shining example of a Daughter in Zion as well as a wonderful mother.
Another wonderful woman in Zion is my mom. Geesh, I get choked up thinking about all she has endured and has yet to endure. Life has not always thrown her the easy slice of pie. Just a quick run down, I was born before mom and dad's 1st annivesary and just before my 1st birthday we moved to Holland. Mom has expressed how difficult it was for her to be away from her family and friends and then to be with all of these foreign speaking people and not knowing how to communicate with them and so on. We were there for 4 almost 5 years. Then just being the wife of a military man is difficult. I have mentioned it before but just before I turned 15 my dad went to prison. I have a few siblings that have had some really hard bumps in the road of life and even some massive potholes, and my mom has been there for each of them thru and thru. Some examples of that, I have a sister who got pregnant at the age of 16, mom was right there to help her with it. Then the weddings that she dealt with on her own, without dad. I have a brother who had some problems with the law in his mid teenage years and she was with him through it all, going to court, visiting him in jail regularly. Not to mention that she made sure that we were able to visit dad regularly. Recently she has been there for a sister whose husband was nearly killed on November 1st of 2006, and then my dad suffered a stroke 10 days later. 2 months prior to that we found out that one of my sisters was fighting a drug addiction to Heroin. Life has dealt her quite the hand and yet her faith never faulters. She is valiant to the Lord and is always there to make sure that the gospel principles are being followed and lived. What a woman in ZION. I can only hope to be half that woman she is.
So with this entry in hand and having done a self evaluation of who I am and who I want to be, I can only hope that I am blessed with the patience and knowledge to better myself as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a Woman in Zion.
Please know that we are all loved by our Father in Heaven. We are all choice Daughters and Sons of a Heavenly Father who will always be there for us, even when we don't feel we are worthy of his presence. Don't let go, hold on to Him, pray to Him, tell Him of your struggles, your joys, your pains. He knows your name, He knows your pain. On this blogs playlist please listen to 2 songs on it. The first one is Every Breath by Jenny Phillips and then the other one is Maker's Touch by Jenny Phillips. Listen to the lyrics and know without a doubt that you are a Daughter in Zion or Son:)
That is what I am thinking right now when I am trying to decide what I want to talk about or babble about right now. There are so many meaningful things and then again so many meaningless things that I could go on about. So hmmmm...
Right now I am sitting in my home, Brian is taking his Sunday nap, Sadie and Hunter are downstairs coloring, and McKadie is sleeping. Hunter just came upstairs to ask if he could use the pencil sharpener, I tell him yes and then he leans in and kisses my forehead. So maybe that is what I will write about first. Being a mom in Zion.
What does it mean to be a mom in Zion? Yikes, have I lived up to those expectations in the last 8 years? Will He be pleased with what I have done? My heart says that I have done the best with what I was allowed, but it also tells me that I have slacked in many areas.
I don't know about any of you reading this but I am probably not alone when I say, there are so many other women doing it better than me.
I read these blogs and see all the wonderful things these Women in Zion are doing with their kids and my heart is sad. Are my kids ok? Do they know that I love them more than anything? What can I do to be better? This is where I am hopeful. This hysterectomy has left me feeling better than I have been in years. Once I am over the restrictions of an abdominal surgery, I feel a huge piece of hope that I will be able to finally start being that mom and wife that I hope to be.
Do we have FHE? I try to make sure we do have it weekly but we aren't perfect, there have been weeks that have gone by without it but we do try. Do we have daily family scriptures? This one is hard because there have been periods of time where we have it daily for months, and then there are months when we don't have it. Do we have daily family prayer? We try. It is more frequent than scriptures and I am a huge believer in the power of prayer, so I have it in the foremost of my mind to make sure we have it, but again we are far from perfect. Do I yell at my kids? Sadly yes, more than I would like to admit. Do I tell them that I love them? Daily if not hourly. Do they know that their Heavenly Father loves them? I hope so, we talk about it every morning before school. Do they know they are children of God? I am grateful to say yes.
There is so much more room for improvement...and I will try. It's never too late.
So then I think about these wonderful women in Zion who do the above and beyond with their kids. My sister Katrina is one of them. She makes time and opens opportunities for her kids to do wonderful things. For example, there is a couple in Mesa, AZ that was recently in a plane crash http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/. Katrina was telling me about it yesterday and was talking about all of the donations and things people are doing for this couple and their 4 children. She said she was going to get some things together to help her kids make cards for this couple and send it to them as a service project. What a great example she is to me and to her children. A shining example of a Daughter in Zion as well as a wonderful mother.
Another wonderful woman in Zion is my mom. Geesh, I get choked up thinking about all she has endured and has yet to endure. Life has not always thrown her the easy slice of pie. Just a quick run down, I was born before mom and dad's 1st annivesary and just before my 1st birthday we moved to Holland. Mom has expressed how difficult it was for her to be away from her family and friends and then to be with all of these foreign speaking people and not knowing how to communicate with them and so on. We were there for 4 almost 5 years. Then just being the wife of a military man is difficult. I have mentioned it before but just before I turned 15 my dad went to prison. I have a few siblings that have had some really hard bumps in the road of life and even some massive potholes, and my mom has been there for each of them thru and thru. Some examples of that, I have a sister who got pregnant at the age of 16, mom was right there to help her with it. Then the weddings that she dealt with on her own, without dad. I have a brother who had some problems with the law in his mid teenage years and she was with him through it all, going to court, visiting him in jail regularly. Not to mention that she made sure that we were able to visit dad regularly. Recently she has been there for a sister whose husband was nearly killed on November 1st of 2006, and then my dad suffered a stroke 10 days later. 2 months prior to that we found out that one of my sisters was fighting a drug addiction to Heroin. Life has dealt her quite the hand and yet her faith never faulters. She is valiant to the Lord and is always there to make sure that the gospel principles are being followed and lived. What a woman in ZION. I can only hope to be half that woman she is.
So with this entry in hand and having done a self evaluation of who I am and who I want to be, I can only hope that I am blessed with the patience and knowledge to better myself as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a Woman in Zion.
Please know that we are all loved by our Father in Heaven. We are all choice Daughters and Sons of a Heavenly Father who will always be there for us, even when we don't feel we are worthy of his presence. Don't let go, hold on to Him, pray to Him, tell Him of your struggles, your joys, your pains. He knows your name, He knows your pain. On this blogs playlist please listen to 2 songs on it. The first one is Every Breath by Jenny Phillips and then the other one is Maker's Touch by Jenny Phillips. Listen to the lyrics and know without a doubt that you are a Daughter in Zion or Son:)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
So sorry...
I have neglected you all. So sorry... I have given a couple of updates on my family blog at http://www.btshgillman.blogspot.com/ if you're really curious to know what has been happening. I have just had a lot going on and a lot I wanted to say and was afraid that if I got on here I wouldn't feel good enough to finish.
First of all the surgery went wonderfully. Out of the 4 surgeries that I have had, this one has been the biggest deal and also the best recovery. I haven't had any problems moving around, even that first day wasn't so bad, maybe because I knew what to expect. I haven't had any infections (knocking on wood) or anything serious like that. The down fall is due to the fact that I have pretty much been off and on pain pills the last 6 years due to the dumb and not never again CYSTS, I have a higher tolerance to the pain meds. They had to give me more than the norm just to get the pain under control for the first couple of days in the hospital. But I am happy to say that by day 10 post-op I was pain med free!!!
I had surgery on Wednesday and was released late Saturday morning. I have been having major hot flashes, anxiety attacks (which if you have never had they totally suck), and not being able to sleep worth nothing. So a few days ago we switched up the hormones and he wrote me a script for the sleeping meds. The last few nights have been heaven!!!
All I have to say is that when or if you ever have to deal with menopause, either as the woman or the lovely man with that woman, GOOD LUCK!!! I am blessed enough that I don't have to suffer through it for years at a time like my gracefully aging female family members have been doing...no names given. As far as I know mine is temporary...or so Brian hopes:) But the new HRT seems to be doing wonders and now that I am sleeping life is good.
I had my 2 week post-op appointment yesterday and the doctor couldn't agree more, everything looks wonderful. He expressed to me that he was very concerned about doing the surgery because I was so young. It was a very hard decision for Brian and I to make but I am glad we did it. The doctor told me that my labs came back and said that I had something called adenomyosis, which is in the same family as endometriosis. He said there is no cure for it except for a hysterectomy. With that being said he expressed that although he was very nervous about doing the surgery that he believed that we did make the right choice in the end.
How awesome is that?!? I feel better than I have felt in years, and that's including the still healing external and internal incisions. I took Sadie and Hunter to get some last minute school supplies yesterday and I also was able to go to their Back To School Night and unfortunately I pushed it too far. By the time I drove Bri to school near the airport in SLC, drove to my parent's house, to Wal-mart, to my parent's, to my doctors apt., to my parent's house and then out to pick up Brian I was pretty much done for the day. Unfortunately we had more to do. Brian was beat from all of the schooling and side jobs he has been doing and was in no mood to cook, I was too tired to cook so we headed to good ole Applebee's. We were done just in time to head to the school and by the time we got home I was thrashed. My downfall is that I love to talk and visit with everyone.
The kids weren't the only ones excited to see old friends. I was greatful to see a bunch of parents and especially Sadie and Hunter's teachers from last year. So what is going on now with our lives?
I have 4 more weeks of recovery before I am allowed to do any lifting or cleaning still. Brian passed this week of school and with one more week to go in October he will be preparing to take his Journeyman's test for an electrician. The downfall is that he still has 3 or 4 more weeks after that before he is completely done. Getting his License as an electrician has been a long time coming, it will be 5 years of schooling by the time all is said and done. I am so proud of him. It has not been easy, especially with all of my illness and a new baby at home.
Sadie is entering the 3rd grade. Wow, talk about making you feel old, she has done well. She will be starting the violin and is so excited. We are excited for her. She has been a super helper for me and Brian since the surgery. She is great at helping with dishes and laundry and whatever else needs tending to. She is also very head strong so we are bracing ourselves for the coming years as a teenager, may Heaven help us all:)
Hunter is entering the 1st grade. He is so excited to be going all day and to be able to have 3 recesses and lunch at school. He is a great little/big brother to the girls and tries to keep his control considering all of the estrogen in the house. Between Hunter and Brian I am glad they are making it through this. I have been an emotional roller coaster since the surgery and poor Brian doesn't know what to do with me. Hunter will be turning 7 in October and is thrilled. We were watching the Olympics the other night and he expressed that he would like to try fencing. I thought how awesome that is because we didn't think with his metabolic myopathy he would ever be able to do any sports. What a kid!!!
My little McKadie turns a year old on September 2nd and my heart is breaking. She is our last baby and she has grown so fast. Her favorite word is Hi. And the funny thing is that she knows it is a greeting and uses it as such. It's so adorable.
So our future is looking much brighter and I am excited to face it with a healthy body. Oh yeah and I have lost 6 lbs. now. I am hoping to loose a lot more. Well I'm off until next time!!!
First of all the surgery went wonderfully. Out of the 4 surgeries that I have had, this one has been the biggest deal and also the best recovery. I haven't had any problems moving around, even that first day wasn't so bad, maybe because I knew what to expect. I haven't had any infections (knocking on wood) or anything serious like that. The down fall is due to the fact that I have pretty much been off and on pain pills the last 6 years due to the dumb and not never again CYSTS, I have a higher tolerance to the pain meds. They had to give me more than the norm just to get the pain under control for the first couple of days in the hospital. But I am happy to say that by day 10 post-op I was pain med free!!!
I had surgery on Wednesday and was released late Saturday morning. I have been having major hot flashes, anxiety attacks (which if you have never had they totally suck), and not being able to sleep worth nothing. So a few days ago we switched up the hormones and he wrote me a script for the sleeping meds. The last few nights have been heaven!!!
All I have to say is that when or if you ever have to deal with menopause, either as the woman or the lovely man with that woman, GOOD LUCK!!! I am blessed enough that I don't have to suffer through it for years at a time like my gracefully aging female family members have been doing...no names given. As far as I know mine is temporary...or so Brian hopes:) But the new HRT seems to be doing wonders and now that I am sleeping life is good.
I had my 2 week post-op appointment yesterday and the doctor couldn't agree more, everything looks wonderful. He expressed to me that he was very concerned about doing the surgery because I was so young. It was a very hard decision for Brian and I to make but I am glad we did it. The doctor told me that my labs came back and said that I had something called adenomyosis, which is in the same family as endometriosis. He said there is no cure for it except for a hysterectomy. With that being said he expressed that although he was very nervous about doing the surgery that he believed that we did make the right choice in the end.
How awesome is that?!? I feel better than I have felt in years, and that's including the still healing external and internal incisions. I took Sadie and Hunter to get some last minute school supplies yesterday and I also was able to go to their Back To School Night and unfortunately I pushed it too far. By the time I drove Bri to school near the airport in SLC, drove to my parent's house, to Wal-mart, to my parent's, to my doctors apt., to my parent's house and then out to pick up Brian I was pretty much done for the day. Unfortunately we had more to do. Brian was beat from all of the schooling and side jobs he has been doing and was in no mood to cook, I was too tired to cook so we headed to good ole Applebee's. We were done just in time to head to the school and by the time we got home I was thrashed. My downfall is that I love to talk and visit with everyone.
The kids weren't the only ones excited to see old friends. I was greatful to see a bunch of parents and especially Sadie and Hunter's teachers from last year. So what is going on now with our lives?
I have 4 more weeks of recovery before I am allowed to do any lifting or cleaning still. Brian passed this week of school and with one more week to go in October he will be preparing to take his Journeyman's test for an electrician. The downfall is that he still has 3 or 4 more weeks after that before he is completely done. Getting his License as an electrician has been a long time coming, it will be 5 years of schooling by the time all is said and done. I am so proud of him. It has not been easy, especially with all of my illness and a new baby at home.
Sadie is entering the 3rd grade. Wow, talk about making you feel old, she has done well. She will be starting the violin and is so excited. We are excited for her. She has been a super helper for me and Brian since the surgery. She is great at helping with dishes and laundry and whatever else needs tending to. She is also very head strong so we are bracing ourselves for the coming years as a teenager, may Heaven help us all:)
Hunter is entering the 1st grade. He is so excited to be going all day and to be able to have 3 recesses and lunch at school. He is a great little/big brother to the girls and tries to keep his control considering all of the estrogen in the house. Between Hunter and Brian I am glad they are making it through this. I have been an emotional roller coaster since the surgery and poor Brian doesn't know what to do with me. Hunter will be turning 7 in October and is thrilled. We were watching the Olympics the other night and he expressed that he would like to try fencing. I thought how awesome that is because we didn't think with his metabolic myopathy he would ever be able to do any sports. What a kid!!!
My little McKadie turns a year old on September 2nd and my heart is breaking. She is our last baby and she has grown so fast. Her favorite word is Hi. And the funny thing is that she knows it is a greeting and uses it as such. It's so adorable.
So our future is looking much brighter and I am excited to face it with a healthy body. Oh yeah and I have lost 6 lbs. now. I am hoping to loose a lot more. Well I'm off until next time!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The last tribute before I go under...
My tribute today is for my sweetheart. Brian and I meet when I was 14. My family had just moved into his families ward. We became quick friends. I had the biggest crush on him and later found out that he had one on me as well. The downfall was that he was 18, that is not legal in case some of you didn't know. Brian owned a lawn care company for about 7 years as a teenager. I was in need of money and babysitting wasn't cutting it anymore so I started working with him. We would mow up to 50 lawns a week and it was usually just me, Brian and his baby sister Melissa aka Missy. 
In this picture is Garth (Brian's dad), Grandpa Hanks(his maternal grandpa), Hunter, Brian and Ricky(married to Sharree, Brian's sister)
This is us at the circus at UVSC this last spring. We had a blast. McKadie loved it.
So about a week before I got really sick and had to leave school I got a phone call from my mom saying that Brian and Angie had separated. I felt bad for Brian. We were still good friends and I didn't want him to have to go through this. Well on top of that Angie was 3 months pregnant with Sadie. So then I get sick and end up moving home to my mom's in PG, about a mile from Brian's parents home. Brian moved home when they separated. Well I was out of it for a while, really out of it. Brian shows up to check on me and gets mad at me(more like he harassed me) for not letting him know I was home and sick.
Brian loves to go 4-wheeling and motorcycle riding. He has done it his whole life. This is a picture of him and Sadie after a muddy ride. It is by far one of my favorites of him. 
This is a picture of Brian sitting at temple square. This face of his is commonly mistaken as him being grumpy, but what people don't always understand is that he is a very deep person. Right here he was thinking about some personal things and I snapped a cute pic of him.
Brian is my best friend. He has been there through almost all of my hard times. He was there when my uncle died. He was there for me when my dad went to prison. He was there through it all. People's chins drop when they find out we were married only after 4 weeks of being engaged. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Obviously this is Brian giving his biggest silliest cheeser smile. McKadie was only a couple of months old if that. He is such a proud daddy.
Brian is the first guy I ever held hands with, yes while we were mowing:) We tried to hide it so that no one would know but later we find out that it wasn't the case. Brian is the most tender hearted guy I know. He is so selfless and giving and is the hardest working man I have ever meet. He was raised by great parents and they taught him well. I doesn't do jobs half way and sloppy, he does them right and he does them well. That is pretty much how everything in his life is. He is a super daddy.
Brian is great at taking the time, the little moments with the kids. In this picture he is making a snowman with Hunter. Brian is always taking the time to do things with them. Last week he was out working on his truck and Hunter comes in and tells me that dad was playing football with him. It's things like taking the time from doing things Brian wants to get done and just spending a few minutes with them to make them know that he loves them and that they mean everything to him. One time when we lived in AZ I found Sadie in a closet with Brian. She was holding his drill and was trying to drill screws into some shelving that he was putting up. It was so cute, she couldn't have been more than 2 1/2 years old.
When we got Gretchen, our lab, he built her a mansion of a dog house, and it took him days to finish. But I have a bunch of pictures of the kids helping him on it with daddy's hammer and screw drivers and everything. They will always remember those times with him and I am so grateful they have those memories.
This was the Sunday that we blessed McKadie. I love that Brian will be silly with me. I am a whacky character and am often found acting a bit dorkish, Brian doesn't care, in fact he will often join in.
This picture was taken Christmas Eve of 2007 in AZ. There is a personal joke behind Brian's shirt he is wearing. Have I mentioned that I would be lost without him. We have so many common things in this life that we like and enjoy. To list a few: country music, western/native American art and decor, camping, fishing, our kids:), good uplifting music, the gospel, good movies, and so many more. One thing about my husband is that he is not afraid to show his emotions. I remember we had only been married about 8 months or so. I was in the bathroom of our little basement apartment and we had music playing while we were getting ready for church. It was Afterglow. I went into the living room to do something and I saw Brian and he had tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong and he smiled and said, "I'm just a boob." and pointed to the stereo. He loves our Savior and I love that about him. Some other times that have touched my heart when I have caught him tearing up is when Hunter and McKadie were born. Or at his grandma Hanks or grandpa Gillman's funeral.
In this picture is Garth (Brian's dad), Grandpa Hanks(his maternal grandpa), Hunter, Brian and Ricky(married to Sharree, Brian's sister)Just before I turned 16 I quit working for Brian. At this point he was dating girls from college and would frequently bring them to work with us. I really liked him and it was hard for me to be around him and these girls. So he did the college thing and I did the high school thing and we stayed in touch here and there. My Senior year Brian came to our house to show us the engagement ring he had purchased for this girl Angie. We had never heard of her and didn't know a lot about her. What my mom drilled out of Brian was that he was pretty much marrying someone that didn't fit any of the standards he was raised with. (He was be rebellious and was rebounding off of a 2 year relationship and jumped straight into marriage.)
Those of you who know Brian know that he is very head strong and stubborn. There wasn't a sole on this planet that could tell him not to go through with it. So that was that. He married Angie in the Spring of 1999. I attended the reception and at that point I had come to the reality that Brian was officially off of the market. So I graduated from high school about a month later and went on to College up at the U of U.
This is us at the circus at UVSC this last spring. We had a blast. McKadie loved it.
So about a week before I got really sick and had to leave school I got a phone call from my mom saying that Brian and Angie had separated. I felt bad for Brian. We were still good friends and I didn't want him to have to go through this. Well on top of that Angie was 3 months pregnant with Sadie. So then I get sick and end up moving home to my mom's in PG, about a mile from Brian's parents home. Brian moved home when they separated. Well I was out of it for a while, really out of it. Brian shows up to check on me and gets mad at me(more like he harassed me) for not letting him know I was home and sick.
Brian loves to go 4-wheeling and motorcycle riding. He has done it his whole life. This is a picture of him and Sadie after a muddy ride. It is by far one of my favorites of him. So we start talking and visiting and old feelings were rekindled. That is the short version. It took a year for the divorce to go through. We found out on Saturday that it went through on Friday. So Saturday night I treat us to our first official date at Golden Corral, Brian was broke due to lawyers bills and such. Sunday night we headed out to my grandma's house in Mapleton for a birthday party and Brian proposed. 4 Weeks later we were married on November 25th, 2000 in Pleasant Grove. We were sealed almost 2 years to the date later on November 30th, 2002 in the SLC temple.
This is a picture of Brian sitting at temple square. This face of his is commonly mistaken as him being grumpy, but what people don't always understand is that he is a very deep person. Right here he was thinking about some personal things and I snapped a cute pic of him.
Brian is my best friend. He has been there through almost all of my hard times. He was there when my uncle died. He was there for me when my dad went to prison. He was there through it all. People's chins drop when they find out we were married only after 4 weeks of being engaged. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Brian loves me no matter what. He reassures me that it doesn't matter if I am heavy or skinny that he will always love me no matter my size. He said that he didn't marry me for my drop dead gorgeous self, he married me for who I am inside. The nerdy dork as we like to tell our kids:) This picture was taken of us in December in AZ.
When I was pregnant with Hunter we won custody of Sadie. We have full physical and joint legal. Angie has told us that in her heart she just can't give her rights up and for some reason can't agree to let her have us sealed to us. In the end we have faith that Heavenly Father will work out all of those details in the end. Sadie knows we love her and that I am so grateful to have her as my daughter.
I have a picture like this with Brian and all of our kids. The one of him and Sadie was when he meet her for the first time when she was a week old. Angie didn't think he would care to know that she was born, HELLO he was fighting for custody from the get go. Anyways, this is a picture of Brian with McKadie in September. He truly loves each one of his babies.
Brian is my "Favorite" person in the universe. I am having a hard time with this tribute because I am afraid that I won't be able to describe in words what he means to me. He has a billion wonderful qualities about him and getting to them all seems impossible. It's like having a jar full of sand and being told to describe each grain individually.
Obviously this is Brian giving his biggest silliest cheeser smile. McKadie was only a couple of months old if that. He is such a proud daddy.Brian is the first guy I ever held hands with, yes while we were mowing:) We tried to hide it so that no one would know but later we find out that it wasn't the case. Brian is the most tender hearted guy I know. He is so selfless and giving and is the hardest working man I have ever meet. He was raised by great parents and they taught him well. I doesn't do jobs half way and sloppy, he does them right and he does them well. That is pretty much how everything in his life is. He is a super daddy.
Brian is great at taking the time, the little moments with the kids. In this picture he is making a snowman with Hunter. Brian is always taking the time to do things with them. Last week he was out working on his truck and Hunter comes in and tells me that dad was playing football with him. It's things like taking the time from doing things Brian wants to get done and just spending a few minutes with them to make them know that he loves them and that they mean everything to him. One time when we lived in AZ I found Sadie in a closet with Brian. She was holding his drill and was trying to drill screws into some shelving that he was putting up. It was so cute, she couldn't have been more than 2 1/2 years old.
When we got Gretchen, our lab, he built her a mansion of a dog house, and it took him days to finish. But I have a bunch of pictures of the kids helping him on it with daddy's hammer and screw drivers and everything. They will always remember those times with him and I am so grateful they have those memories. 
This was the Sunday that we blessed McKadie. I love that Brian will be silly with me. I am a whacky character and am often found acting a bit dorkish, Brian doesn't care, in fact he will often join in. 
This picture was taken Christmas Eve of 2007 in AZ. There is a personal joke behind Brian's shirt he is wearing. Have I mentioned that I would be lost without him. We have so many common things in this life that we like and enjoy. To list a few: country music, western/native American art and decor, camping, fishing, our kids:), good uplifting music, the gospel, good movies, and so many more. One thing about my husband is that he is not afraid to show his emotions. I remember we had only been married about 8 months or so. I was in the bathroom of our little basement apartment and we had music playing while we were getting ready for church. It was Afterglow. I went into the living room to do something and I saw Brian and he had tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong and he smiled and said, "I'm just a boob." and pointed to the stereo. He loves our Savior and I love that about him. Some other times that have touched my heart when I have caught him tearing up is when Hunter and McKadie were born. Or at his grandma Hanks or grandpa Gillman's funeral. 
This is a picture before we were heading to the Strawberry Days Rodeo this summer. What a hottie. On many instances we have been told that he looks like Tim McGraw, although I am a big fan of Tim, I have to say my sweetie is a lot sexier:)
Brian and I don't fight. I know that is weird for some people especially since we have been married almost 8 years. But we don't. We don't yell at each other. When we disagree about something we talk through it. We talk about a lot of things. We have frequent pillow talk that last for hours, and no I am not doing all of the talking. We have had some hard times that we have had to deal with, but I am grateful that we not only have a strong marriage, but a strong friendship to back up that marriage. It has helped us through some tough times. Brian is a very respectful man. He opens the door for me. When we are playing games, I always get to start them out first because I am the lady of the house. It is a rule he was raised on. Brian was also raised that you respect women, they are queens and Goddesses. He has never layed a hand on me, and never will.
This is a picture of us at our first Tim McGraw and Faith Hill concert. What a hottie I have. Geesh, I know I am cheesy but I love this guy to death and then some, good thing we are sealed for eternity.
Brian is a great singer. He sang in the A Capella choir in high school and has sang in many quartets and solos for church activities and sacrament meetings. I love it when he sings. Brian is a great dancer. Before my declining health took over my body, we would go country dancing all of the time. We really enjoy and I hope that after surgery we will be able to go more often. Brian is excellent at math. I call him my walking calculator. He can do hard math in his head and it always amazes me.
Did I mention that I love how he loves me? He supports me in all that I do. It has been expensive for him too. When I told him that I wanted to start doing photography seriously he was behind me 100% and checkbook in hand. He is my best critique, meaning he is honest but doesn't be brutal about it. He supported me when I wanted to have my breast reduction. I was afraid that he wouldn't be as attracted to me or would look at me different, he has done nothing like that and still treats me the same as he did before. He is always there for me when I am having failing health. He waits in the waiting room during all of my surgeries and every time I have been on bed rest he is taking over all of my chores and even though it wears him thin he does it with a smile. This is where it is hard for me to say everything I would love to say about him. I have a hard time coming up with words to describe what I feel for him. And I hope for his sake I show him how much I love him and am grateful that we have each other.
Brian is an electrician. He will be done with his apprenticeship in the spring. He is so good at it and he loves it. This picture is of him on top of the catwalk at the Real Soccer stadium where he has been working since January. He was on lunch and no this isn't a grumpy face this is just a picture of him tired and worn out but he sent it to me to let me know that he was thinking of me. For the first couple of years we were married Brian and I would talk every lunch break for the whole lunch break. Now that there are kids in the picture and I don't have as much free time we don't always get to do that. But he still calls me in the morning to let me know he got to work safely, I am super paranoid...I know it's ridiculous. He also calls me on his way home so that we can chat about the day and whatever else. I also love how he will call me and tell me to listen to a certain radio station because the song that is on reminds him of me. What a romantic! Also, Brian hasn't had a guys night out in I don't know how long. I don't ever remember him even having one. I asked him about it once and his response was, after a 40 hour week he doesn't have much spare time other than eating and sleeping and house chores so he said he would rather spend all of his spare time with me. My heart melted. What a babe. It also means the world to me that he understands how important it is for me to be a stay at home mom. I worked for a couple of years while we were first married and Brian and I came to an understanding that it wasn't worth it and that I needed to be home. I plan on going back to school when the kids are all in school full time and Brian supports that but doesn't want me to work unless I want to and the kids are not at home. I love him so much for taking the gospel principles so literally and is faithful to them.
There are so many things I would love to say about Brian. I try hard to tell him and show him regularly how much I love him and how much he means to me. It is killing me because this weekend there is a family reunion and I will be in the hospital. I know how much he wants to spend time with his family, especially because he doesn't get to spend much time with his parents or his sisters. So I want him to go and have fun but the selfish part of me wants him at my side in the hospital. There is just something about having him there that no matter how much pain I am in, I feel better knowing he is there.
So Bri, I love you and you mean everything to me and then some. You are my favorite and I just want you to know that I look forward to spending the eternities with you! I love you babe!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOY...Y is a secret Brian and I have...people have tried to guess what it means unsuccessfully and we will take it to the grave with us....
Monday, July 28, 2008
Enduring the Countdown...
Wowsers, I had to go to the hospital this morning to have my paperwork and all my labs done. It made it almost too real for me. I think I am more nervous than I thought I would be. There is a lot going on and sometimes I don't feel like I can wrap my head around it.
I was thinking that I would be coming home on Saturday but the nurse today told me that realisticly I should be looking at Sunday. I have never stayed in the hospital that long. I know I will be out of it a lot so there is no need in keeping Brian home from the family reunion but I have this underlying fear of what if something goes wrong, or what if I get really lonely for him?
My mom will be there a lot for me but there is just something from having Brian there. I told him that on Thursday, surgery is set for Wednesday morning, he needs to bring the kids in to see me. At that point I won't be so out of it from the anesthesia and want to give my babies hugs and kisses before they go away for the weekend.
So I am trying to think of what to take and what I will need or won't need. What needs to be done at the house before I won't be able to do anything. Who needs to be called or emailed before I go into the hospital. That on top of the fact that I am not running on all engines right now anyways and have been down for a while so my house is lacking a good cleaning and I know I won't be able to do it before hand. All I need to do is kill myself before surgery. No one has ever died from a mom being out of business for a while right? I need to not have so much anxiety over it, everything will be fine. It's just my nerves are shot from lack of sleep, the chronic pain I have been in and I have never had as big a surgery as this will be.
So with that note, I know I am behind in my daily tributes, they might be put on hold for a bit, but I haven't forgotten. I will try and make regular posts and you might get more than you ask for since playing on my computer might be the only thing I get to do after Wednesday. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all. Have a great week, I won't 'remember half of it:)
I was thinking that I would be coming home on Saturday but the nurse today told me that realisticly I should be looking at Sunday. I have never stayed in the hospital that long. I know I will be out of it a lot so there is no need in keeping Brian home from the family reunion but I have this underlying fear of what if something goes wrong, or what if I get really lonely for him?
My mom will be there a lot for me but there is just something from having Brian there. I told him that on Thursday, surgery is set for Wednesday morning, he needs to bring the kids in to see me. At that point I won't be so out of it from the anesthesia and want to give my babies hugs and kisses before they go away for the weekend.
So I am trying to think of what to take and what I will need or won't need. What needs to be done at the house before I won't be able to do anything. Who needs to be called or emailed before I go into the hospital. That on top of the fact that I am not running on all engines right now anyways and have been down for a while so my house is lacking a good cleaning and I know I won't be able to do it before hand. All I need to do is kill myself before surgery. No one has ever died from a mom being out of business for a while right? I need to not have so much anxiety over it, everything will be fine. It's just my nerves are shot from lack of sleep, the chronic pain I have been in and I have never had as big a surgery as this will be.
So with that note, I know I am behind in my daily tributes, they might be put on hold for a bit, but I haven't forgotten. I will try and make regular posts and you might get more than you ask for since playing on my computer might be the only thing I get to do after Wednesday. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all. Have a great week, I won't 'remember half of it:)
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